Words that wound: 12 Phrases you should NEVER say to your partner | Relationships News

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Certain phrases can inflict deep wounds in a relationship. Avoid saying expressions like “You never…” or “If you loved me, you would…” as they can erode trust and cause emotional pain. Instead, prioritise respectful communication to nurture a healthy and supportive connection with your partner.

Mumbai: “Words can break and words can make a relationship.” Certain phrases should never be uttered in a relationship due to their hurtful impact and potential to create lasting scars. These words can erode trust and negatively affect mental health. It’s crucial to avoid such hurtful statements to maintain a strong and enduring relationship.

Experts consider certain phrases toxic in any relationship. Here are 12 phrases you should never say to your partner, according to relationship experts.

1. “This is just like you.”

Any phrase that makes broad generalisations about someone’s character is highly toxic and negative, leading to poor outcomes. Such statements erode the attachment bond by making the other person feel it’s pointless to explain themselves, depriving the relationship of essential elements like growth and hope.

2. “You’re overreacting.”

Labeling your partner’s experiences as overreactions can be very harmful. Dismissing your partner’s feelings and calling them irrational creates a nearly impossible situation for resolving challenges healthily.

3. “You always…” and “You never…”

Phrases like “You always…” and “You never…” tend to exaggerate situations and fail to recognise the efforts your partner is putting in.

4. “You should be more like _____.” 

Suggesting that your partner should emulate someone else is never a productive approach. Comparisons like, “He takes his wife on a date three times a month,” overlook the unique dynamics between individuals and their relationships. Such comparisons can foster jealousy and significantly impact self-image, self-confidence, and self-esteem within a relationship.

5. “What have you ever done for me? “

Asking your partner what they have done for you is a hurtful generalisation that implies they are selfish or uncaring. This statement diminishes the efforts and sacrifices they’ve made to support you and nurture the relationship. Instead of resorting to such hurtful remarks, it’s more constructive to calmly communicate your expectations without frustration or irritation. This approach fosters understanding and maintains respect within the relationship.

6. “If you don’t do this, I’ll leave”

Threatening your partner with statements like, “If you don’t do this, I’ll leave,” is strongly discouraged in healthy relationships. These ultimatums are toxic and damaging, eroding trust and creating an atmosphere of fear and coercion. Such behaviour undermines the possibility of open and honest communication, as it instils fear in the partner, potentially harming their mental and physical well-being.

7. “That is why they broke up with you!”

Bringing up a partner’s past relationships or making insensitive comments about them is highly inappropriate. Such remarks can reopen past relationship wounds and diminish your partner’s respect for you. Using their previous relationships against them in an argument is an emotional attack on their vulnerability.

8. “Stop being a child and grow up!”

Telling your partner to “Stop being a child and grow up” is a form of belittling and dismissing their concerns. It shows insensitivity and a refusal to acknowledge their feelings or anxieties. Instead of making derogatory comments, it’s more constructive to communicate openly with your partner and inquire about the reasons behind their emotions. This approach fosters understanding and respect in the relationship.

9. “If you loved me, you would do this..”

Demanding that your partner prove their love by insisting they do something they’re uncomfortable with is emotionally manipulative. It shows a disregard for their boundaries and places your desires above theirs. Using guilt to coerce your partner may disrupt the balance in the relationship and cause feelings of frustration.

10. “You won’t get it anyway.”

Disparaging or demeaning your partner’s understanding can harm their self-esteem. Adopting a condescending tone suggests a sense of superiority where you’re unwilling to bridge the gap and explain things. Instead, when your partner doesn’t grasp something, it’s better to engage with them and explore it together, fostering mutual understanding and enjoyment.

11. “Why can’t you do anything on your own?”

Asking your partner, “Why can’t you do anything on your own?” can make them feel incapable and unsupported. It creates a sense of dependence and can lead to feelings of loneliness and burden within the relationship. It’s important for partners to feel secure in seeking each other’s help and advice without fear of criticism or rejection.

12. “Why can’t you be good at something?”

Avoid making comments like, “Why can’t you be good at something?” This can deeply affect your partner’s self-esteem and create insecurity about their abilities. Such remarks are disrespectful and can undermine their confidence by implying they lack competence in everything. It’s important to recognise that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and fostering a supportive environment is crucial in a healthy relationship.

Rather than expecting your partner to read your mind, communicate your desires clearly and without blame. For example, instead of saying, “You never take me on dates anymore,” try saying, “I miss spending time with you. Can we plan more one-on-one date nights this month?”

To repair a relationship after saying hurtful things, it’s crucial to prioritise kindness and respect, even during conflicts, as your partner remains an important part of your life deserving of tenderness.

After a disagreement, taking time apart for reflection and calming down is beneficial. Once both are ready to talk, it’s essential to engage emotionally, allowing space for all feelings, lowering defences, and listening openly.

Steps to take include:

1. Reflect: Take time to ponder what was said and how it was said, acknowledging any hurtful language used and considering how the argument could have been avoided.
2. Apologise: Offer heartfelt apologies, expressing regret for the hurtful words spoken and reassuring your partner that they were not meant.
3. Communicate: Share your genuine feelings and listen actively to your partner’s perspective, taking responsibility for your words.
4. Make amends: Demonstrate your commitment to change by showing affection and avoiding repeating hurtful behaviours. Actions like preparing a simple meal, offering gestures of love such as flowers or notes, and affirming your dedication to personal growth can help rebuild trust and connection.

By following these steps, you can gradually mend the relationship and reinforce a caring and supportive bond with your partner.

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